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SIAPA AKU DI DEPAN TUHANKU







Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Allahuakbar, Allahuakbar ,Allahuakbar, Allahuakbar

Subuhnya
di mana aku berada
masih enak dalam kelambu rindu
sambil berpoya-poya dengan waktu
masa bagaikan menderu
langkah tiada arah tuju
fikiran terus bercelaru
terlupa aku semakin di hujung waktu
siapa aku di depan Tuhan ku.

Zohornya
aku lebih memikirkan kelaparan
kehausan dan rehatku
aku lebih mementingkan tuntutan jawatanku
aku bertolak ansur dengan waktu
aku gan
aku terlupa betapa besar kerugian
jika aku mengadaikan sebuah ketaatan
siapa aku di depan Tuhan ku.

Asarnya
aku lupa warna masa
cepat berubah bagaikan ditolak-tolak
aku masih dengan secawan kopiku
terlupa panas tidak di hujung kepala
aku masih bercerita
tentang si Tuah yang setia dan si Jebat yang derhaka
siapa aku di depan Tuhan ku

Maghribnya
aku melihat warna malam
tetapi aku masih berligar di sebalik tabirnya
mencari sisa-sisa keseronokan
tidak terasa ruang masa yang singkat
jalan yang bertongkat-tongkat
ruginya bertingkat-tingkat apa aku di depan Tuhan ku.

Isyaknya
kerana masanya yang panjang
aku membiarkan penat menghimpit dadaku
aku membiarkan kelesuan mengangguku
aku rela terlena sambil menarik selimut biru
bercumbu-cumbu dengan waktuku
siapa aku di depan Tuhan ku.

kini aku menjadi tertanya-tanya sampai bila aku akan melambatkan sujudku apabila azan berkumandang lagi? Aku tidak akan membiarkan Masjid menjadi sepi kerana di hujung hidup, ada mati. Bagaimana jenazah akan dibawa sembahyang di sini jika ruangku dibiarkan kosong
jika wajahku menjadi asing pada mentari dan juga bintang-bintang.


Muhasabah pada hati yang selalu lalai ~

Siapa aku di hadapan Tuhanku??

Ya Allah, ampunkanlah hambaMu ini, pada setiap langkah yang terpatri.

Illalliqo' wa maassalamah...

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