Buat aku sedar tentang sisi dajalku. Terima kasih.
Buat aku berusaha mengubah diriku.
Positively. Terima kasih.
Sebab hadir melonjakkan paradigma ku. Tanpa kamu.
Aku tidak sekuat aku sekarang. Tanpa kamu.
Aku mungkin masih aku yang dulu. Terima kasih.
Biar aku terus terang. Tentang aku. Aku tu difficult. Orang yang rapat ngan aku kiri, kanan, depan, belakang tau how difficult I am. Aku jenis suka senyum, suka borak, suka beramah mesra bila terlepas bebas di luar. But you just don't know how isolated I am bila dekat rumah, dekat bilik, dekat mana-mana that so-called home.
Tahap isolation tu melibatkan kurang senyum, kurang cakap, kurang ramah, sensitive tahap karma, not that happy-go-lucky type yang kau salu nampak dekat luar tu. Sampai, one of my friend pernah sedih sebab dia rasa sunyi walaupun aku ada sebelah dia. Ya, bila dah sampai rumah tu, aku semacam punya satu dunia kecil yang lain untuk bersendiri. Berfikir dan mentelaah diri sendiri.
Basically, bagi yang dah kenal aku sampai ke akar umbi ni, dorang tau, aku? DIFFICULT.
Cuma satu yang aku ndak pernah tunjuk dekat kamu - wahai kawan-kawan ku. Aku ndak pernah tunjuk, yang aku hargai kamu-kamu yang tahan dengan aku walau camana difficult pun aku. Yang bertahan da…
I still remembered. That conversation in the car. How he asked me about 'rasa'. "So dik, ada satu uncle ni. He had Diabetes. He met a doctor and the doctor advised him to take several medications and be compliance with it. . This uncle, take the advice but did not comply with the medication. He did 'something else' and surprisingly, it did give the same result as the medication. Until the doctor itself felt astonished with him. . Silent . Adik rasa, apa yang uncle tu buat? . Another silent. From me. . Until I break the long chain of thinking with a question. "What did he do?" . He just asked the one who gave him that Diabetes to take away the 'rasa' of that disease from him. . Yang memberi rasa sajalah yang mampu menarik kembali rasa. Sedih, kecewa, empty, unworthy, sempit and other negative feelings. Asked him to take it away from you when you can't cope with it anymore. . And it works 'every time' :) Thank you for the advice pak. #Truestorybapakkata #Ca…
How does it feel, to trust again?
To 'feel' that you are actually living?
How does it feel to be vulnerable?
To show the honesty and be soft again?
How does it feel to be free after being put in a cage?
To feel deeply, to disregard all the misdemeanor, to be shaken and anxious by the same damn thing again?
How does it feel to scrap all the courage again and use it as a rein to lead the way.
When the only thing you want is to 'feel' and live the life again.
Through the eyes of ours, we were pushedto look beyond the window. We discovered honesty, fear, unlocking simplicity or terrible zones where we put our guard down and started to feel like an anonymous. Through the eyes, our soul can't stopped searching. Searching for that kind of genuinity in others.
Hardly try to connect with theirs. But dear, some window just can't. They can't release the same amount of rays like us. Thus we started to doubt their genuinity. We sealed ours. Put a big long curtain so that it became not so obvious that we try to hide the window of ours.
Why can't we just be that damnly genuine and honest to one another? Why do we need to hide? Why do we need to cover all the black-spoky dots in our hearts? You know right? -genuine. Nope. You might know it. Perhaps.
Secretly. I admire her. For the big wide smile that she had. For the openness of her soul. She just emitted everything out without hesitation. You're beautiful. Thru certain angl…
When life seems fluctuating, and you just stuck there waiting for some mercy. Wait.
When life endeavor you to stop and hold on to your fear but you are desperately craving for freedom, stop. And wait.
When everything seems wrong, and you start to feel regret. Wait.
None of the thing is actually wrong my dear. It is just meant to be. Even after you fought so hard, change to the core, reconstruct everything as a way to hold on, when it is meant to be that way, it will happen.
It takes us years to realized this. But somehow, that's what He wants. He wants us to realized.
Wait, as a manifestation of delaying and thinking. But don't take so long. Decide! And pray for guidance. He is the one who hold our heart, only He can resolve the attachment and granted us peace :)
Selamat berbuka bagi yang berpuasa.
You've been there. In a crowd of people whom always demanding you to make progress and change into something that you can't fit in. Even worst when they tend to be radical by comparing you with anyone just in case you might feel less and inferior.
Living in a world that buried your autonomy and authenticity make you drown and breathless. You knew from the very beginning that is not what you want to settle for. But you still insist that you might be 'that good' one day.
You just can't. Because only with authenticity you can demand the better you. ONLY with authenticity you can move forward to the next-new level. You just need to be courageous enough to recognize that.
And you know what ;) you're the best you, with authenticity! Thrive!
Mungkin sesekali perlu biar diri kotor bernanah. Biar nampak cela di wajah. Antara lapis kemarahan dan kesabaran. Yang penting jujur, tidak menipu.
. Mungkin perlu sesekali merasa hina. Mengaku bahawasanya. Kau pernah biarkan saja syaitan nya menang. Dan malaikatnya tumbang. Sebab kau manusia. Tidak sempurna.
. Mungkin perlu bukakan saja diri. Biar dunia memandang kau jijik dan buruk. Kau kadang malas dan kurang cerdik. Kau pelik dan perlukan bantuan. Lompang, berselirat dan serabai. . Manusia itu penat mempamer. Yang diperlihatkan elok-eloknya. Sedang cacatnya di tutupi. Supaya diri teraih pandangan manusianya. Penat.
I've seen. I've seen that sincere friend taking care of his companion. And I felt entrapped within my superficial view, how did they get that? What is actually their foundation? To love, we need a base isn't it? And what is it for them? - Uncle Chinese in Palliative Care Unit.
. I've seen. A husband cried when his wife was actively dying. . I've seen. I've seen a son, taking care of his father like there is no tomorrow for both of them. . Maybe, we prefer to show and be sincere with the one we loved, when either one of us is actively dying isn't it? Pathetic. We're just so pathetic. Sigh*
. The moment I've seen all of the above is the moment I decided, to give just love and the loving me to people.
" Najwa, kau kena start treat orang, macam kau rasa kau akan mati esok"
"If there was unfinished business, they might as well do it now"
"Maybe this Ramadhan is her last Ramadhan, so we may take it as her last wish?"